Monica, Patron Saint of Wives, Mothers, and Conversion
If you’re Catholic, and you’ve ever had any problems with your teen or adult children, you’ve probably been told about St. Monica. She’s often cited as an example and encouragement to parents whose children have strayed from their faith. Why? Well, because her son, St. Augustine, abandoned his childhood faith as a teen and didn’t return to Catholicism till age 31. He did some pretty terrible things during that time. However, he went on to become one of the doctors of the Church – one of the greatest thinkers and writers in Church history. Monica never gave up on him, and she also managed to help convert her husband and mother-in-law along the way.
What Did Monica Do?
What did Monica do to bring about these three dramatic conversions? I’ve often wondered. How much did she pray? How did she pray? What did she say to her son when she found out about his latest scandal? How did she react to her husband’s violent outbursts and her mother-in-law’s criticism? As with so many of the saints, at first glance, Monica’s behavior seems impossible to imitate. I mean, she prayed and fasted for years without seeing any results. She left everything behind to follow Augustine to Rome and then Milan. She led groups of devout women in prayer and study. She endured a marriage to a violent man and lived with his hyper-critical mother and never gave up on either of them. Who can do that? What are we supposed to do with this story, other than write it off as too extreme and too difficult to be relevant?
So What Do We Do?
I’ve thought a lot about St. Monica. My conclusion has always been that there’s no way I can do any of the things she did, and my kids are doomed if it’s up to me to get them to return to our faith. But, after re-reading her story recently, I have a new perspective.
First of all, my kids ARE doomed if it’s up to me to get them to return to our faith. That much, I was right about. But I was wasting my time despairing over their situation, berating myself for whatever I did or didn’t do when they were younger, and envying people whose children were still faithful. Not only was I wasting my time, I was imagining myself to be like God. Only God can give the gift of faith. That’s just not something I can convice or coerce them into. It’s the Holy Spirit who will bring them back to himself, and in his timing, not mine.
Secondly, maybe St. Monica isn’t so different from the rest of us.
Maybe St. Monica’s story isn’t about an extraordinary woman who single-handedly brought three of the worst people who ever lived back to God. Maybe it’s a story about a woman who struggled just like we do. A woman who got angry with her husband. A woman who despaired over her son. A woman who couldn’t do a whole lot, so she just persevered in what she knew how to do: she prayed, fasted, sought the advice of the leaders in the Church, and stayed as close to her son as she could. She isn’t credited with being a great theologian or even with convincing Augustine that he needed Jesus. She’s a saint because she didn’t give up on her son, or her husband, or her mother-in-law, even when things looked hopeless.
Saint Monica’s story is about hope and trust. Hope, that anyone can return to God, no matter how far they seem to have strayed. Trust, that we don’t have to do all the work ourselves. We can trust that God loves our family members even more than we do, and that he has a plan for them.
We Just Take the First Step
St. Monica was just a mom, like you and me, who loved her family and wanted the best for them. She took the first step – she asked God to help her son, trusting that he would answer. Then, God responded by giving her the grace to persevere. He can give us that grace too! We simply have to ask for it. Then, like St. Monica, we do what we can. We pray. We fast. We witness to our family members by our example. We do what we can to maintain contact and express our unconditional love. We also, charitably, confront them when we see them making bad decisions. And God is there, with us, giving us the strength to keep going and the wisdom to know what to do next.
If you’re ready to start a daily prayer routine to pray for your kids, read our post, How to Pray for Your Kids.
Do you have a story or prayer request to share about a loved one who seems far from God? Share with us in the comments.
