Mom Life

If you are like me, you have been in a position to recruit volunteers for something. You are on a board or committee and have needed to find people to help you carry out your mission. You got organized, planned your event, and sent out an email to get volunteers. You were enthusiastic and excited to do your thing. You were thinking about how great it would be if so-and-so volunteered because she is great with kids. Or how awesome it was going to be to organize your volunteers based on their gender, skills, and talents. 

And then no one responded.

I work with several organizations (probably too many if you ask my husband) that rely on the servant hearts of others. All of the organizations are good causes, worthy of my time and effort. They all also take more than a few people to be successful, and they all have this one thing in common. 

They struggle to find volunteers. 

There are usually a small number of people who end up carrying the load. And while those people are a great blessing to me and to whatever the cause is, I am also discouraged at the lack of response and frustrated to have to pick up the slack. I wonder why. I take it personally. I want to quit myself.

I have done some reading on the subject, and there are actually some good reasons that people don’t volunteer for things. 

• They are concerned about not having the knowledge or skill to perform the task (I find this especially true when asking for help at church, people worry that they won’t know what to say or how to interact with a ministry or group). 
• They haven’t been asked to help. This doesn’t mean that they haven’t received your email asking them to help- they got that email. But they need to be asked personally. Preferably in person, not over the phone. They need to be able to ask questions and hear what a difference they will be making. 
• They’ve helped in the past, but they didn’t feel needed when they did. They showed up not having a specific task to do, and they didn’t have enough to keep them busy. They felt out of the loop. 
• They didn’t know anyone in the organization. They felt like an outsider. They weren’t included in the communication or planning. Again, they felt left out. 
• They are too busy. They are full time employees and trying to balance their work, home, social, and spiritual lives is overwhelming. Their kids play club sports so their evenings and weekends are filled with ballgames and practices. 

Another trend I have noticed as I scroll through my Facebook feed is that women are urging each other to spend their free time taking care of themselves. Self-care is the buzz word. The memes and articles tell us that we need to spend time and money on ourselves so that we will feel better. It’s ok to be selfish. We are busy, tired, and we deserve it. 

I challenge this. 

Most of us, when we do take the time to do something for ourselves (which takes time and usually money), end up feeling guilty and having to catch up on the things we neglected while we were pampering ourselves. Not that we don’t deserve the occasional night off, date with our husbands, or trip to the spa. But these things don’t fill your soul the way giving back to a great cause does. They are a nice occasional treat, but they leave a void. In my experience, giving my time to others fills my cup. It makes me feel good. It reminds me of my purpose. 

A few years ago I was trying to learn how to say no. I was working on not putting too many things on my plate. I felt overwhelmed by my responsibilities and decided that I just needed to start saying no- to an extra assignment at work, to a friend who wanted to have dinner, to the PTO asking me to make brownies, to the church asking for my time on a committee. I was going to turn everyone down and spend my time on me.

But I never did learn how to do it. 

What I did learn is that I don’t have to say yes to everything, but I shouldn’t always say no either. I should prayerfully consider requests to participate, but not turn them down just for my own comfort and convenience. 

Lately, my energy has been spent volunteering at my church more than anywhere else. That is where I feel called to serve. And also where it is the most difficult to recruit help. 

I read this article article yesterday, and I love this idea. The author points out that our churches are like our homes and families. And in the same way that you can’t babysit your own kids (because they belong to you), you can’t volunteer in your church. You take care of your church. You look for the need and you help. You care about the salvation of your family, so you teach Sunday school, lead Bible study, and welcome new members. 

I would challenge you to look for somewhere that you can give back. Start with your church. They need you. You need them. Look for even small ways that you can give. Ask around to find a need to fill. Be open to a request to join in. 

Jesus said “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind; and love your neighbor as yourself” (Luke 10:27). 

Praise Him and serve others. It’s what we are called to do!

Is motherhood a contest?

When I was a younger mom, there were places that I would go with my children where I felt like we were on display. Or in some kind of competition. Storytime at the library. Church. Homeschool group meetings. Places where other moms would be able to see – and judge – the fruits of my parenting and homeschooling based on how the kids behaved or how interesting I was to talk to. I loved the idea of hanging out with other moms…but in reality, I sometimes  hated it. It often felt like so much pressure that I could barely make myself leave the house. I couldn’t help but feel self-conscious when I was around other families, because it seemed like everyone else was a supermom, with superkids, and my kids and I were just barely clinging to the very last shreds of normal.

Falling short and getting discouraged

Everywhere we went, I met other moms who had cool jobs, grew all their own food, paid attention to the news, and still found time to volunteer for everything. Their kids were adorable, wore nice clothes, and played a bunch of sports and instruments. I couldn’t help but wonder…was I the only one noticing how out of place we were? I used to get really discouraged, and even though I loved my kids and I loved spending time with them, I would start freaking out about how we needed to change everything we were doing so that we could catch up to everyone else.

What?? Me??

Then, one day, I had a mom at one of these mom gatherings compliment me on how patient I was. (Probably because all of my kids were running around screaming while hers were quietly eating a homemade casserole in hand-made, matching outfits). Now, if you know me – if you really know me – you know that I am not patient. I may be more patient than I once was, due to the nearly endless opportunities I’ve had over the last 18 years to practice, but I would still never refer to myself as a patient person. There are many days where it takes every ounce of self-control I possess to keep my temper in check. But to this mom, I appeared to be so patient that she felt moved to compliment me.

Huh.

She even asked me how I did it (I said I had no idea).

I couldn’t stop thinking about our conversation, and how this mom was so admiring of a quality I didn’t even think I possessed. So I wondered…why, when I was with other moms, did I spend so much time obsessing about myself and my kids and how we were being perceived? Why did I feel so inferior to other moms? Why did I think that I had to be so many things – smart, confident, organized, well-dressed, well-informed – to be liked? Why couldn’t I let others have their strengths and gifts, and let myself have my own strengths and gifts…and be content with that? Why did I want ALL the strengths and ALL the gifts and get envious and discouraged when I (repeatedly) discovered that I can’t possibly be or have it all?

As usual, I’m being an idiot

Why didn’t I focus all of that energy on getting to know and encourage the other moms? Were they feeling insecure too? Were they looking at me and imagining that I had it all together, while they were just barely hanging on? Why were we all so scared of each other?

I wanted to be friends with these women, but I didn’t think they’d like the real me. And, a part of me wanted to be BETTER than them at something…at everything, in fact…because that’s the only way I thought I could feel comfortable with them.

And then, I realized that I was being an idiot. People do not want to be friends with perfect people. They want to be friends with REAL people – people who are honest with themselves and about themselves. People with humility and a sense of humor about how flawed they really are.

I know now that if I want to be someone’s friend, I will eventually have to be vulnerable with them. I will have to admit that, yes, I always have a stockpile of frozen pizza and potato chips and marshmallow cereal on hand. I am not teaching my children Latin, I sometimes throw recyclables in the trash, and I occasionally forget the name of our vice president.

One of the best things I can do when I’m around a bunch of other moms is to expose some of my flaws. If I admit that the kids had Pop Tarts for breakfast and we’re all wearing yesterday’s underwear, maybe I’ll stop being someone else’s supermom and start being their friend.

Nobody needs another supermom; everyone could use another friend.

Totinos Pizza is its own food group

Last week, we went to my favorite homeschool group. It is chock full of sweet, intelligent, down-to-earth, Jesus-loving women. I used to be afraid of them. We usually bring our own lunches, which my kids never eat (instead, they beg their friends to share their lunches, because by anyone’s standards, everyone else’s lunches are better than ours). So I decided that instead of our usual peanut butter and jelly, I’d bring frozen pizza – clearly a step up, since it’s hot and contains more food groups. I started chatting with another mom who was in the kitchen getting her family’s lunch ready to go into the oven, so I asked her what she brought. What was it? Homemade turkey pot pie. With homemade crust. And turkey they had raised themselves. So did I spend the rest of our time together feeling embarrassed and inferior and imagining how disgusted this other mom must be? Nope. We laughed, and her kids ate her wonderful pot pie, and mine completely ignored the pizza (because they had already filled up on Oreos and potato chips), and we enjoyed the rest of our day together.

I love to plan…but I’m bad at it

I am one of those people who loves organizing stuff. Closets, drawers, desks, files…nothing makes me happier than taking a mess and making it look orderly. I am equally fond of trying to organize my thoughts and my schedule, although that’s usually a lot less successful. I write out lists – to do lists, ideas for blog posts, upcoming events that I don’t want to forget – and I inevitably lose them before I’ve had a chance to cross anything off. I start the year out with a planner…and by February, I’m so far behind in it that I give up. I have a dozen half-used journals in the bookcase, as well as a couple that I’ve abandoned online, and a Google calendar that contains about half of the events I need to remember to go to. I’m the mom who’s at Wal-Mart the night before the Christmas program buying the kids new shoes, because I just realized the program is tomorrow and no one has anything appropriate to wear. I’m the one who forgets “watch week” at gymnastics and always has a negative lunch account balance. I’m the reason why dentists’ offices call you the day before your appointment. I have ALWAYS been absent-minded, and it drives me crazy. I remember going to a sleepover as a kid and being teased because somehow, all I remembered to bring was a book to read and a toothbrush. (Who brings a book to a sleepover?)

What I usually do wrong…and what I’m going to change

So, this year, my goal is to get better at managing my schedule. I am going to stay on top of my to-do list, show up on time for things, and keep all of my brilliant thoughts and blog ideas safe until I can use them. Now, I’ve obviously tried to do this before with limited success, and I think I know why I’ve failed:

1. I try to do too much. Journaling several pages a day, recording everything I have to do in several different places…I get overwhelmed by how much time it takes, so I just give up altogether.
2. I use too many tools. I have journals, notebooks for to-do lists, meal plan worksheets, planners, electronic calendars…nothing is ever updated or complete, and it’s all way too much to carry around with me.
3. I don’t like the way any of it looks. I think the artist in me would be more motivated to use a notebook or planner if it looked attractive and I took more pride in keeping it legible.

Does this sound like you? I think we set ourselves up for failure by making this too hard, and by expecting to do it all perfectly. Busy moms need a system that’s easy, quick, and enjoyable, or it’s just going to be abandoned. If you want to join me in simplifying (and beautifying) your daily/weekly/monthly planning process, keep reading. Here’s what I’m going to try:

1. I’m whittling my tools down to two: my Google calendar and a (paper) planner. I like the Google calendar because it can send reminders to my email and phone, and I can’t lose it. As long as I can find an electronic device and remember my password, I’ll always have access to it. If you don’t have a Google account, you can sign up for one – totally free of charge – at: https://accounts.google.com/signup/v2/webcreateaccount?hl=en-AU&flowName=GlifWebSignIn&flowEntry=SignUp. You will be assigned a gmail (Google email) address, but you don’t have to use gmail if you don’t want to. You’ll get access to all kinds of stuff, like Google Calendar, Google Drive, and even YouTube. Google’s Calendar isn’t as fancy as some of the family scheduling tools I’ve tried (like Cozi, for example), but I already use gmail, so I love accessing my calendar and email in one spot.
   I like a paper planner planner because I can do more with it than just record events (like write a to-do list, or a blog idea), and because it looks pretty. I found a planner online that’s beautiful, and simple, and it even has the weekly Mass readings and saints’ days pre-recorded: http://catholicmothersuk.wixsite.com/home. It’s from the UK, so the bank holidays aren’t always relevant for me here in the US, but I don’t really mind that, I guess. It has some great ideas in the back for celebrating saints’ feast days, as well as some Catholic prayers and even some recipes.
2. I’m giving myself 30 minutes every Sunday to sit down and get everything scheduled for the upcoming week. I’m not going to try to keep a daily journal, or record how much water I drink every day, or anything that doesn’t feel absolutely necessary. My goal is to get all the events on the calendar and in the planner, schedule out at least three meals per week in advance, and jot down all of my ideas and to-do’s as quickly and simply as I can.
3. I’m trying to remember that, while God wants me to be effective as the manager of my home, He also wants me to be receptive to His plans for me and my family. I can plan and plan and plan, but at some point, I need to just trust that God is in control and will take care of us – if I let Him. As the bible says in Proverbs 3:5-6, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”

What about your plans for the New Year? How are you keeping yourself organized in 2019? Share with us in the comments!

I Think God Wants Me to Be a Better Friend

Have you ever heard someone say that God has really been “showing them” something? Have you ever thought to yourself, “what the heck is that person talking about?” I’ve had several people tell me that God has been showing them something, and every time I hear it, I think…what? How? How do you know it’s God? Is God showing ME something and I’m totally missing it, because I have no idea how to listen to or look for God? It’s one of those things I used to dismiss as someone over-thinking a couple of random coincidences…or maybe even as just a figure of speech that doesn’t really mean anything, even to the person saying it.

However, I have recently changed my mind. I do actually think that God has been trying to show me something lately, and I think it’s because I’ve been praying about the exact thing that he’s been showing me. I think that because I’ve been asking God specifically to show me how I can be a better person – the best version of myself (don’t you like that idea? I read that in a book somewhere, and I like the sound of it) – he has put me in situations where I can see my shortcomings more clearly and practice being…better. So what has God revealed to me? That I am a crappy friend.

Yes, it’s true. I am a really lame friend. The kind that you wouldn’t even know is your friend, because she’s never around when you need her and never calls you or even texts you and possibly even avoids making eye contact with you at the store because she doesn’t want to start a conversation with you because she feels guilty because she knows she’s a bad friend. And I don’t think I’m alone, here. I think there are a lot of us who are great wives and mothers and sisters and daughters, but we completely neglect being a good friend and fail to seek out other women to become friends with.

And God has shown me that there are all kinds of people around me  – young women, older women, many of them moms – who desperately need friendship.

• Women who are chronically ill or in pain
• Women who are lonely
• Women who are going through a hard time with one of their children
• Women who are going through a hard time with their husband
• Women who are in financial trouble, or who have to work more than one job just to pay the bills 
• Women who are always giving, giving, giving…and need a breather sometimes

Reconnecting with a couple of old friends who are going through some seriously tough times (without any support from me) has forced me to be honest with myself about the kind of friend I typically am. So what kind of friend am I?

• I’m the kind of friend who always says no when you ask if I can do something with you, unless it’s at my house or your house and I can bring all of the kids.
• I’m the kind of friend who never calls or texts you back, because I get so caught up in whatever I’m doing that I forget about it for days, and then I feel guilty about not getting back to you, so I just pretend to myself that you never contacted me in the first place.
• I’m the kind of friend who says things like, “We need to get together soon!” and then does absolutely nothing to try to make that happen.
• I’m the kind of friend who would never think of telling you something you don’t want to hear, even when you really need it, because my need to be liked is stronger than my need to help you.
• I’m the kind of friend who gets freaked out when you’re going through hard times and uses the excuse that “you need some time and space to sort things out” as a reason to avoid you when you need me the most.
• I’m the kind of friend who assumes that you are going to reach out to me when you need a friend, and that meanwhile I’ll just do my own thing and wait for that to happen.

Why Am I So Bad at Friendship???

I think that, as moms, we give so much to our families that we think we just don’t have anything left for anyone else. I know that for me, it can be so physically and emotionally draining to take care of my kids all day that by the time my husband gets off work and I could theoretically do something with a friend, the thought of interacting with even one more person is overwhelming. I dread the sound of the phone or doorbell ringing, and I can’t even imagine going somewhere where other people might want to have a conversation with me.

In my mind, “having friends” is something that I did when I was a kid and young adult. My ideas about how to be a friend and what friends do are all from 20 years ago, when friendship was about partying all night, and spending hours together studying, and shopping, and lounging around all day in pajamas. Having friends was all about how much fun we could have together, and being a good friend meant being able to entertain someone. The best kind of friends were the ones who made you laugh the most, or who threw the best parties, or who always had something fun planned for the weekend. When I look at it through that lens, having friends doesn’t make any sense anymore. I can’t go and spend hours doing something “fun” with someone – my house is a mess and I have a thousand errands to run! I can’t party all night – I need to sleep or I’ll be a zombie for days! I can’t be fun or entertaining…unless you’re a 6-month-old who loves peek-a-boo and Dr. Seuss.

I think that my outdated, immature vision of friendship has been preventing me from making and keeping real adult friends. I’m afraid of making the commitment to being a true friend, because I feel like I don’t have what it takes. But the women around me – they all want the same kind of relationships that I do:

• A friend who will call them periodically just to say hi
• A friend who remembers their birthday, or wedding anniversary, or some other special occasion with a nice (or hilarious) card
• A friend who finds out they’re sick or recovering from surgery and shows up with food and an offer to watch kids or run errands
• A friend who says “yes” to an invitation for dinner, or coffee, or ladies’ night out
• A friend who doesn’t get offended when they don’t return a text or phone call
• A friend who doesn’t abandon them when times get tough
• A friend they can talk to about anything
• A friend who can be honest and tell them what they don’t want to hear – and still be their friend afterward

It’s Not Hopeless…Even I Can Become a Better Friend

At the end of the day, even with seven kids at home, I could take 15 minutes to call a friend and give her some encouragement. On a Saturday morning, I could go out for coffee with a friend and be home before all the kids are even awake. I could write out a quick greeting on a card and pop it in the mail while I’m waiting for the kids at school, or piano lessons, or gymnastics. I have more than enough time, love, energy, and “me” to give to a friend – to lots of friends. I think we all do, and we all need to do a better job of being there for each other.

How About You?

Have you been neglecting your friendships too? What’s one thing you could do this week to make or rekindle a friendship?

What? Having a Big Family Actually Makes Life Easier??

When people find out that I have seven children, they make assumptions (I am supermom, I must have soooo much patience, I am a saint, I don’t mind listening to screaming and whining, my kids are extra-well-behaved, etc.). Unfortunately, these assumptions are mostly wrong. I’m just like everyone else – as are my kids – and I can get every bit as annoyed, impatient, frustrated, and overwhelmed as the next person.

I look like this a lot.

So what’s my secret? How could a “normal” person stand being at home with so many kids?

The secret is that having MORE kids actually makes life easier in many of the most important ways.

Don’t believe me? It’s okay. I know it sounds hard to believe. But keep reading, and I think you’ll see what I mean.

Here’s a list of just a few of the benefits of having a big family:

1. You are never bored.
2. You are never lonely. Nothing is worse than being bored and lonely. Not even a meltdown in the cereal aisle or Kool-Aid vomit on the new carpet.
3. People drastically lower their standards for how well-kept you and your house should be. You can astound them just by showering regularly and carving a path through the toys from your living room to the kitchen.
4. If you’re in the mood to play Uno or The Game of Life, you can ALWAYS find someone to play with you.
5. Many hands make light work. Unless we’re talking toddler hands. In that case, get them the heck out of there or you’ll never get anything done.
6. You get way more bang for your buck on family memberships to things. Hello, aquatic center.
7. You can shop in bulk and not worry about food spoiling. Unless we’re talking “health food”, which my kids despise. I have yet to use up an entire bunch of celery before it turned bad.
8. You have an excuse to buy a 12-passenger van. Everyone should own a 12-passenger van at some point in their lives. The only thing better than a 12-passenger van is a 15-passenger van.
9. It’s a lot harder to be a helicopter parent (you know, the kind who feels compelled to supervise her children’s every move and decision, hovering around them like a helicopter) to a whole bunch of kids. So, if you want to avoid being a helicopter parent, having more children is a big help.
10. Built-in exercise. I haven’t exercised just for the sake of exercising in YEARS. And yet, between carrying around a 25-lb. baby all day, constantly going up and down the stairs to retrieve things I’ve forgotten, and picking up everything off of every surface in my house and putting it away for 10 hours straight, I’m pretty sure my body is a finely tuned machine.
11. Someone is always coming up to you and hugging your legs, or saying they love you, or calling you the best mom (that last one’s usually after I’ve given someone candy).
12. Hand me downs. Toys, clothes, beds, entire bedrooms, even underwear (shhh…don’t tell my kids) can passed from sibling to sibling and lower the cost-per-use to almost nothing.
13. You can see more clearly that much of the behavior that drives you crazy is truly, as they always say, just a stage.
14. There are SO many crafty, DIY project possibilities. Sewing and knitting and Mod Podge, oh my!
15. You and your kids learn – albeit slowly – that some battles are not worth fighting. Patience is cultivated. Rough edges are softened.
16. In a culture of smaller and smaller families, people will find you fascinating. They might be horrified, but they’ll still be fascinated.
17. You start to notice things about kids, in general, and your kids, specifically, that make discipline and “parenting” easier.
18. You will collect more crayons that you will ever be able to use. No tape, though. There will never be any tape when you need it.
19. Your chances of being abandoned in a nursing home in your old age are a lot lower. I hope.
20. You will get really, really good at changing diapers. I can change a diaper in almost any position (me or the baby) or location. I once changed a diaper in a moving vehicle with the baby on my lap without getting any poop on anything.
21. You get a lot of practice in humility. I hear things like, “This dinner looks gross,” and “your butt is so squishy” all the time. They’re usually not as far off as I’d like to think.
22. Rocking chairs. Sitting in a rocking chair with someone’s warm fuzzy head under your chin. Every night, if you want to.
23. You get a second, and a third, and a fifth, and a seventh chance to be the kind of parent you always wanted to be.
24. You’re practically guaranteed to have a lot of grandkids, which are supposedly way better than your actual kids.
25. People who don’t know all these secret benefits will think you’re AMAZING.

My two oldest, circa 2006. Who would have thought they’d have so many younger (and older) siblings? P.S., I think we still have most of those clothes somewhere…

What’s your favorite thing about having a big family? If you have a smaller family, is there anything on this list that surprised you? Tell us in the comments!

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“Believing lies places us in bondage. The truth has the power to set us free.”

This inspiring book full of Biblical truths was our women’s Bible Study book for this year. And it was a life altering experience.

Before starting this study, you may already live a life is founded in Biblical truth. Or you might be more like me, and assume that some things are true because you don’t hear anyone calling them out as lies. If something was so against God, I would be hearing about it, right?

Either way, I promise this book will be eye-opening.

What I learned was how sneakily Satan engages women in lies. DeMoss describes the progression from simply listening to a lie (having a career is my life’s purpose) to dwelling on that lie (lots of mothers have full time jobs, so it’s ok for me too, right?) to believing and acting on the lie (and then ultimately not feeling like your priorities are in order). Once we have believed and acted on it, changing our minds about it is pretty difficult. This is just one example of the many ways we have been deceived.

“When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.” John 8:44

DeMoss compares our lives to the that of the first woman, Eve. Her struggles, her sins, her failings; they are not just hers. They are ours. And they all originate from the same place; Satan’s lies.

Lies like,

“God is not really good.”

“I’m not worth anything.”

“God can’t forgive what I’ve done.”

“A career outside the home is more valuable and fulfilling than being a wife and mother.”

“It’s up to us to determine the size of our family.”

“If my circumstances were different, I would be different.”

“It’s all about me.”

We hear these lies from our friends, from tv, our neighbors, at work or school, or in our own minds. Some seem so close to the truth that it is difficult to decipher what is Biblically true. We have come to accept the world’s truths and have forgotten or ignored the real truth. Thankfully, DeMoss provides the truth that counters each of these lies, supported by scripture and  relatable real life examples. Each section of lies ends with questions that help the reader identify areas of bondage in their own life and scripture verses to study that will reveal the Truth.

“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8:32

As you can imagine, a book like this might spark quite the debate in your Bible study or book club. Some of these lies have become part of our identity and we don’t want to let them go. We argue for our rights, look to people, places, and things to give us the answer to what we are seeking, and justify our choices based on our circumstances. But if you have the guts to really study the Word of God, you will find that your circumstances are irrelevant and you have been deceived.

Freedom from the bondage of the lies in our lives comes from no other source but God.

This book has transformed my life radically. It has changed my thinking, my priorities, my views on parenting, and then some. I will be referring to it in the weeks to come as a reminder to always seek the truth.

To all of my fellow Truth seekers, I recommend this book!

The book can be found on Amazon

Or on the Revive our Hearts website to purchase this and other books by DeMoss and learn about her ministry.

 

 

 

I love summer vacation. I love having my kids home all day.

But summer vacation can be stressful for SAHMs.

Maybe you are like me, and your kids are all school aged, so summer break means everyone is home. All day long! It means even more running around, more laundry, more meals to make (and clean up after!). If you are like me, you have some pretty lofty goals around the house during summer break. And if you are like me, you get annoyed when none of it gets done because a.) no one will help you, b.) you don’t ever have as much time as you think you will, and c.) you don’t really want to do any of that stuff anyway. We think things will be easier in the summer and somehow time will slow down and we will have it to spare.

I challenge you this summer to stop the stress. 

Let some of the housework wait until tomorrow. (It will still be there, I promise.)

Don’t decide that you need to organize every closet or deep clean the garage. (Just close the doors so you can’t see the insides.)

Don’t sign your kids up for every activity to keep them busy. (Especially if they are early in the morning.)

Stop stressing about the “summer slide”. (I don’t.)

The most important work you will do this summer will happen in the unplanned moments; evenings by the bonfire, the lazy afternoons at the pool, during water fights and movie nights… (definitely not while you are organizing your laundry room)

Moments like these…

Use your summer break to enjoy your kids. Don’t be distracted by what you think you should be doing (or what you think they should be doing). Let the work go just a little bit.

And if your house gets too messy and there are laundry piles everywhere, go outside and play.

 

Allison on Beauty on YouTube

I love YouTube. If I didn’t have so many other things to do, I would watch A LOT of YouTube. We don’t have cable or network TV, and I haven’t watched Netflix in months (why are British reality shows so bad, and why does Netflix keep recommending them to me?). Instead, when the kids are in bed and John and I have 30 minutes or so before we admit that we’re exhausted and go to bed ourselves, we turn on YouTube. I watch people homeschooling. I watch them cleaning. I watch them raising chickens and goats. I watch them building desks, making soap, and serving vegan food to their spinach-loving children. I listen to them philosophize about everything from religion to kitchen organization. Several of the channels I watch are Mormon moms, and I love seeing their food storage room tours, even though I don’t even have enough canned goods on hand to fill a shelf in our pantry. YouTube has inspired me to de-clutter my house, make my own deodorant (it works! it really does! that, or everyone I know is too polite to tell me I smell bad!), get rid of 15 extra pairs of pants that I never wear, improve my diet, be more patient with my kids, and investigate the Dollar Tree. And it’s taught my 2-year-old all of his numbers and colors, as well as all of the parts of a monster truck (the bumpers are his favorite).

One observation I’ve made, after so many hours on so many channels, is that physical beauty and beauty routines fascinate people – myself included. There are videos galore on “morning routines”, where we watch women put on their makeup and do their hair. There are tours of vanities and makeup desks and even entire “beauty rooms”, where women store all of their beauty products (hundreds, if not thousands of dollars worth). Moms who, like me, are rarely in places or situations that demand looking “made up” talk about how they do their makeup mainly for themselves, so that they feel pretty and energized and ready for whatever the day might bring. I go back and forth between thinking, “these women are crazy and need to focus on something else,” and “I really should try harder to look nice. My beauty routine is pathetic.”

So Many Questions…

Is there anything wrong with having an elaborate beauty routine, a beauty room, or hundreds of beauty products? Is it weird to watch it on YouTube? Is collecting and wearing lots of makeup a hobby, as many of these women claim? Is it an indulgence that a person who spends most of her day chasing after children and keeping a house in order deserves to have, if it makes her happy? Is it okay that so many of us feel so much better about ourselves and our lives with hair and makeup done? Is this all a waste of time, money, and effort that would be better directed elsewhere? Am I feeling superior to these women or am I aching for them, because they seem to need so much “beautification” and I get by on less? Am I envious?Curious? Concerned? Or am I really just  watching these videos so I can say, “Ha! At least I’m not as insecure or high-maintenance as that woman.” Something about these videos and my interest in them bothers me.

They’re Just Like Me, Only They’re Not

In my own opinion (and that of pretty much everyone else except my husband), I am average-looking. So are most of these women I watch. So it’s not that I think I need any more or less enhancement than anyone else. I have obsessed over and tried to improve (or hide) almost every single one of my facial features and body parts. My least favorite ones, just so you know, are my hair (thin and straggly) and my legs (7 children worth of varicose veins). Oh, and my nose. Too big and pointy. Maybe this is harder to narrow down than I thought. Anyway, I can relate to feeling the need to make oneself look prettier. I must look better with a little mascara on, because when I go without it, everyone who sees me tells me I look tired. And I am definitely in a better mood when my pants fit and my hair does what I want it to. But the older I get, the more I realize that I’m going to look like Allison no matter what I do, so I don’t do a whole lot.

And, I try to keep my beauty routine simple and my wardrobe small because I think it’s a trap. The more I focus on my physical appearance, the more flaws I find. The more flaws I find, the more I have to do and buy to fix them. The more time I spend on the buying and the fixing, the more it becomes part of who I am and how much I need to feel okay. A makeup bag turns into a makeup desk turns into a makeup room. Two pairs of pants turns into 15 turns into 50. 10 minutes to get ready and feel pretty turns into 60. The perfect “look” recedes further and further into the distance the more I chase it. Maybe I watch because I want one of these women to come to this same conclusion. It would be really cool to watch a video of someone making a bonfire of all their makeup and chopping up their makeup desk. Wouldn’t it?

Is it Just Me?

Is that just me? If I had hundreds of dollars and hours and square footage invested in my appearance (not to mention clothes!), I would probably think about my appearance a lot more. And I’m a lot happier about how I look when I don’t think about it very much. I’m guessing that most of you are the same way. What do you think? Are you satisfied with your beauty routine? How much is enough? How much is too much? What are these YouTubers trying to say, if anything?