Planning for the New Year
Being a WifeHow to be a stay-at-home momRaising Kids

Planning for the New Year

written by Allison Schoonover

I love to plan…but I’m bad at it

I am one of those people who loves organizing stuff. Closets, drawers, desks, files…nothing makes me happier than taking a mess and making it look orderly. I am equally fond of trying to organize my thoughts and my schedule, although that’s usually a lot less successful. I write out lists – to do lists, ideas for blog posts, upcoming events that I don’t want to forget – and I inevitably lose them before I’ve had a chance to cross anything off. I start the year out with a planner…and by February, I’m so far behind in it that I give up. I have a dozen half-used journals in the bookcase, as well as a couple that I’ve abandoned online, and a Google calendar that contains about half of the events I need to remember to go to. I’m the mom who’s at Wal-Mart the night before the Christmas program buying the kids new shoes, because I just realized the program is tomorrow and no one has anything appropriate to wear. I’m the one who forgets “watch week” at gymnastics and always has a negative lunch account balance. I’m the reason why dentists’ offices call you the day before your appointment. I have ALWAYS been absent-minded, and it drives me crazy. I remember going to a sleepover as a kid and being teased because somehow, all I remembered to bring was a book to read and a toothbrush. (Who brings a book to a sleepover?)

What I usually do wrong…and what I’m going to change

So, this year, my goal is to get better at managing my schedule. I am going to stay on top of my to-do list, show up on time for things, and keep all of my brilliant thoughts and blog ideas safe until I can use them. Now, I’ve obviously tried to do this before with limited success, and I think I know why I’ve failed:

  1. I try to do too much. Journaling several pages a day, recording everything I have to do in several different places…I get overwhelmed by how much time it takes, so I just give up altogether.
  2. I use too many tools. I have journals, notebooks for to-do lists, meal plan worksheets, planners, electronic calendars…nothing is ever updated or complete, and it’s all way too much to carry around with me.
  3. I don’t like the way any of it looks. I think the artist in me would be more motivated to use a notebook or planner if it looked attractive and I took more pride in keeping it legible.

Does this sound like you? I think we set ourselves up for failure by making this too hard, and by expecting to do it all perfectly. Busy moms need a system that’s easy, quick, and enjoyable, or it’s just going to be abandoned. If you want to join me in simplifying (and beautifying) your daily/weekly/monthly planning process, keep reading. Here’s what I’m going to try:

  1. I’m whittling my tools down to two: my Google calendar and a (paper) planner. I like the Google calendar because it can send reminders to my email and phone, and I can’t lose it. As long as I can find an electronic device and remember my password, I’ll always have access to it. If you don’t have a Google account, you can sign up for one – totally free of charge – at: https://accounts.google.com/signup/v2/webcreateaccount?hl=en-AU&flowName=GlifWebSignIn&flowEntry=SignUp. You will be assigned a gmail (Google email) address, but you don’t have to use gmail if you don’t want to. You’ll get access to all kinds of stuff, like Google Calendar, Google Drive, and even YouTube. Google’s Calendar isn’t as fancy as some of the family scheduling tools I’ve tried (like Cozi, for example), but I already use gmail, so I love accessing my calendar and email in one spot.
    I like a paper planner planner because I can do more with it than just record events (like write a to-do list, or a blog idea), and because it looks pretty. I found a planner online that’s beautiful, and simple, and it even has the weekly Mass readings and saints’ days pre-recorded: http://catholicmothersuk.wixsite.com/home. It’s from the UK, so the bank holidays aren’t always relevant for me here in the US, but I don’t really mind that, I guess. It has some great ideas in the back for celebrating saints’ feast days, as well as some Catholic prayers and even some recipes.
  2. I’m giving myself 30 minutes every Sunday to sit down and get everything scheduled for the upcoming week. I’m not going to try to keep a daily journal, or record how much water I drink every day, or anything that doesn’t feel absolutely necessary. My goal is to get all the events on the calendar and in the planner, schedule out at least three meals per week in advance, and jot down all of my ideas and to-do’s as quickly and simply as I can.
  3. I’m trying to remember that, while God wants me to be effective as the manager of my home, He also wants me to be receptive to His plans for me and my family. I can plan and plan and plan, but at some point, I need to just trust that God is in control and will take care of us – if I let Him. As the bible says in Proverbs 3:5-6, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”

What about your plans for the New Year? How are you keeping yourself organized in 2019? Share with us in the comments!

January 4, 2019 0 comment
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Radical Friendship
Uncategorized

Radical Friendship

written by Allison Schoonover


I Think God Wants Me to Be a Better Friend

Have you ever heard someone say that God has really been “showing them” something? Have you ever thought to yourself, “what the heck is that person talking about?” I’ve had several people tell me that God has been showing them something, and every time I hear it, I think…what? How? How do you know it’s God? Is God showing ME something and I’m totally missing it, because I have no idea how to listen to or look for God? It’s one of those things I used to dismiss as someone over-thinking a couple of random coincidences…or maybe even as just a figure of speech that doesn’t really mean anything, even to the person saying it.

However, I have recently changed my mind. I do actually think that God has been trying to show me something lately, and I think it’s because I’ve been praying about the exact thing that he’s been showing me. I think that because I’ve been asking God specifically to show me how I can be a better person – the best version of myself (don’t you like that idea? I read that in a book somewhere, and I like the sound of it) – he has put me in situations where I can see my shortcomings more clearly and practice being…better. So what has God revealed to me? That I am a crappy friend.

Yes, it’s true. I am a really lame friend. The kind that you wouldn’t even know is your friend, because she’s never around when you need her and never calls you or even texts you and possibly even avoids making eye contact with you at the store because she doesn’t want to start a conversation with you because she feels guilty because she knows she’s a bad friend. And I don’t think I’m alone, here. I think there are a lot of us who are great wives and mothers and sisters and daughters, but we completely neglect being a good friend and fail to seek out other women to become friends with.

And God has shown me that there are all kinds of people around me  – young women, older women, many of them moms – who desperately need friendship.

  • Women who are chronically ill or in pain
  • Women who are lonely
  • Women who are going through a hard time with one of their children
  • Women who are going through a hard time with their husband
  • Women who are in financial trouble, or who have to work more than one job just to pay the bills 
  • Women who are always giving, giving, giving…and need a breather sometimes

Reconnecting with a couple of old friends who are going through some seriously tough times (without any support from me) has forced me to be honest with myself about the kind of friend I typically am. So what kind of friend am I?

  • I’m the kind of friend who always says no when you ask if I can do something with you, unless it’s at my house or your house and I can bring all of the kids.
  • I’m the kind of friend who never calls or texts you back, because I get so caught up in whatever I’m doing that I forget about it for days, and then I feel guilty about not getting back to you, so I just pretend to myself that you never contacted me in the first place.
  • I’m the kind of friend who says things like, “We need to get together soon!” and then does absolutely nothing to try to make that happen.
  • I’m the kind of friend who would never think of telling you something you don’t want to hear, even when you really need it, because my need to be liked is stronger than my need to help you.
  • I’m the kind of friend who gets freaked out when you’re going through hard times and uses the excuse that “you need some time and space to sort things out” as a reason to avoid you when you need me the most.
  • I’m the kind of friend who assumes that you are going to reach out to me when you need a friend, and that meanwhile I’ll just do my own thing and wait for that to happen.

Why Am I So Bad at Friendship???

I think that, as moms, we give so much to our families that we think we just don’t have anything left for anyone else. I know that for me, it can be so physically and emotionally draining to take care of my kids all day that by the time my husband gets off work and I could theoretically do something with a friend, the thought of interacting with even one more person is overwhelming. I dread the sound of the phone or doorbell ringing, and I can’t even imagine going somewhere where other people might want to have a conversation with me.

In my mind, “having friends” is something that I did when I was a kid and young adult. My ideas about how to be a friend and what friends do are all from 20 years ago, when friendship was about partying all night, and spending hours together studying, and shopping, and lounging around all day in pajamas. Having friends was all about how much fun we could have together, and being a good friend meant being able to entertain someone. The best kind of friends were the ones who made you laugh the most, or who threw the best parties, or who always had something fun planned for the weekend. When I look at it through that lens, having friends doesn’t make any sense anymore. I can’t go and spend hours doing something “fun” with someone – my house is a mess and I have a thousand errands to run! I can’t party all night – I need to sleep or I’ll be a zombie for days! I can’t be fun or entertaining…unless you’re a 6-month-old who loves peek-a-boo and Dr. Seuss.

I think that my outdated, immature vision of friendship has been preventing me from making and keeping real adult friends. I’m afraid of making the commitment to being a true friend, because I feel like I don’t have what it takes. But the women around me – they all want the same kind of relationships that I do:

  • A friend who will call them periodically just to say hi
  • A friend who remembers their birthday, or wedding anniversary, or some other special occasion with a nice (or hilarious) card
  • A friend who finds out they’re sick or recovering from surgery and shows up with food and an offer to watch kids or run errands
  • A friend who says “yes” to an invitation for dinner, or coffee, or ladies’ night out
  • A friend who doesn’t get offended when they don’t return a text or phone call
  • A friend who doesn’t abandon them when times get tough
  • A friend they can talk to about anything
  • A friend who can be honest and tell them what they don’t want to hear – and still be their friend afterward

It’s Not Hopeless…Even I Can Become a Better Friend

At the end of the day, even with seven kids at home, I could take 15 minutes to call a friend and give her some encouragement. On a Saturday morning, I could go out for coffee with a friend and be home before all the kids are even awake. I could write out a quick greeting on a card and pop it in the mail while I’m waiting for the kids at school, or piano lessons, or gymnastics. I have more than enough time, love, energy, and “me” to give to a friend – to lots of friends. I think we all do, and we all need to do a better job of being there for each other.

How About You?

Have you been neglecting your friendships too? What’s one thing you could do this week to make or rekindle a friendship?

December 18, 2018 0 comment
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Raising Kids

The Sleep Solution: Getting Your Baby Out of Your Bed

written by Allison Schoonover

Sleep, Glorious Sleep

There is nothing better than snuggling with a new baby. The way he smells, the little cute faces he makes, the feel of his skin on your skin…it’s the most wonderful thing in the world. You nurse him for a while, gaze lovingly upon him for a while longer, then you both fall asleep looking and feeling like an ad for Parents magazine.

baby kiss

Photo by Derek Thomson on Unsplash

Fast forward one year and it’s a bit different. Trying to relax while nursing your toddler to sleep is futile. He squirms. He bites you. He weighs a million pounds and your arms fall asleep. Every movement, every noise startles him awake. When he finally does fall asleep, you feel trapped and are so afraid of accidentally coughing or moving that you can hardly breathe, let alone fall asleep. Eventually, you decide that you have to put him in his crib, but no matter how careful you are, he wakes up and cries and you have to start all over again. Or you take him into your bed, where the cycle repeats itself over and over all night long.

But what do you do? How else can you get him to fall asleep? Is it okay to let him cry? For how long? Will he be scared? Angry? Permanently psychologically damaged?? 

Photo by Bastien Jaillot on Unsplash

I won’t get into the co-sleeping debate (or the cry-it-out debate, for that matter – emotions run high around infants and sleeping), but we have slept with most of our babies when they’re tiny. It makes breastfeeding easier, I think it helps with bonding, and I like being able to hear and feel them breathing. To me, the evidence that co-sleeping reduces the risk of SIDS is pretty compelling. And, let’s be honest: I’m lazy, and going back and forth to the crib all night is a lot of work.

However, inevitably, there comes a day when co-sleeping is no longer working – for any of us. No one has enough room, the baby can’t figure out how to fall asleep and ends up nursing ALL NIGHT LONG, and I feel like a zombie who would do anything (sucking out brains? maybe…) for five minutes of sleep without anyone touching me.

Photo by Filip Mroz on Unsplash

Figuring out how to get the baby out of your bed can be overwhelming. It’s hard to do anything new with your baby’s routine, even when what you’re doing isn’t working, because you’re terrified of making it even worse. Is only getting 6 hours of constantly interrupted sleep at night awful? Yes. But what if trying something new keeps you up even more? What if you don’t get any sleep at all? How can you possibly stay awake long enough for your baby to soothe himself to sleep when you’re already exhausted at 7 pm?? When you’re short on sleep, you guard it like a nine year old guards his favorite LEGO minifigure. It takes guts to make a change, and I’ve wimped out many, many times.

However, I have recently gotten desperate enough to read not just one, but two books on how to get your baby to sleep, and they were very similar and VERY effective. I’ll put the links to them below. I’m going to give you the shortened version, without any of the background explanation on why it works (does it matter?) or why it won’t hurt your baby (bottom line: a little bit of crying is not as bad as a miserable, sleep-deprived family). This technique is SO simple, SO fast, and SO gentle. It worked for me in LESS THAN A WEEK, and I’m the worst baby-getter-to-sleeper that I’ve ever met. This works for naps, too, which we are now enjoying on a daily basis. The books advise starting at no earlier than 4 months; it worked like a dream for my 13-month old.

Step One:

Figure out a bedtime routine. It can be as elaborate or as simple as you want it to be. Include elements like: taking a bath, putting on pajamas, playing quietly together, reading a story, saying goodnight to the baby’s toys, turning on a noise machine or fan, saying prayers, etc. Try to do the routine in the same order every night. If you make nursing or a bottle part of the routine, make sure the baby is NOT asleep when you put him in his bed. We started out pretty elaborate but have pared it down to: bath, pajamas, nurse for five minutes, bed. The optimal bedtime for toddlers and babies is between 7 and 7:30, so start your routine well before that time. Don’t worry, your baby will sleep for HOURS when he’s in his own bed. Our one-year-old is regularly sleeping for 12 hours at night now that he’s not in bed with us; he used to sleep fewer than 9. Don’t try to move bedtime later in order to get a later wake-up time; that actually backfires and causes them to wake up earlier (I don’t understand why, but the books both go into the science behind it).

Step Two:

Figure out what you’re going to say when you check on your baby. It should be the same phrase every time you check on him. Ours is, “I’m just checking on you; I love you; good night.” Practice it, post it on the door, and make sure you say it in a calm, loving voice. If you sound frazzled and annoyed, it won’t be as effective. If you vary the wording, even a little bit, it won’t be as effective.

Step Three:

Do it. Do your bedtime routine and put the baby in bed. Say your phrase (we omit the “I’m just checking on you” and just say, “I love you; good night”). He will probably be crying. If he is crying, check on him at these intervals until he stops:

1st check: 5 minutes after you put him in bed

2nd check: 10 minutes after the first check

3rd check: 15 minutes after the second check

All subsequent checks: 15 minutes apart until he stops crying

When you do your checks, walk into the room, say your phrase, and leave. Don’t touch him. Don’t add anything to your phrase. Don’t rearrange his blankets, give him a toy, or do anything other than say your phrase. If you vary what you do, the baby doesn’t know what to expect, and it stresses him out. If you do the exact same thing every time, it soothes and reassures him.

If he starts crying again later in the night, do the checks at the same intervals until he stops.

If he’s poopy, or he’s got his arm or leg stuck in the crib, or something like that, go ahead and fix the problem as quickly and quietly as possible, then continue with your checks.

Step Four:

Marvel at how great a parent you are. For us, this system worked immediately, and we’ve never had to do more than four checks. Usually, especially at naptime, we don’t have to do any checks at all. It doesn’t seem to matter which one of us does the bedtime routine or the checks, but I usually do most of it because our baby is going through kind of a mom obsession right now. This is working for us even though we’re using the laundry room for his sleeping space, since he shares a room with his brothers and we can’t figure out how to get them all to sleep at the same time. We’re just using a portable crib and a white noise machine, and he seems to love it.

The books I’m linking below will give you more information about troubleshooting, how to modify the system for older kids, and why sleep is so important for development. I highly recommend finding both of these books – even paying full price if you have to – and reading them cover to cover. But if you’re desperate and too sleep-deprived to imagine reading an entire book, or waiting for it to ship, just start with this post and see what happens. If it worked for us, there is hope for everyone.

Photo by Dave Clubb on Unsplash

The Books That Helped Me:

The Happy Sleeper: http://thehappysleeper.com/book/

The Sleepeasy Solution: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/474621.The_Sleepeasy_Solution

October 13, 2018 0 comment
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HomeschoolLiving your Faith

Be Still and… Homeschool

written by Emily Thams

I’m back! After an incredibly busy summer, making the decision to homeschool and preparing to teach two of our three daughters (our oldest is a senior and doesn’t want to homeschool), I am returning to the place where I have been longing to be, Radical Motherhood.

The last couple of weeks I have been learning how to homeschool teenagers. Let me tell you, it is way more difficult than sending them to public school. There is a considerable amount of preparation each week (even though sometimes it is fruitless-we don’t stick to the plan), constant navigating the waters of teenage moodiness, juggling activities that we chose to incorporate in our school, volunteering, socializing, not to mention someone still has to make dinner every night (and that’s still me). It has been a steep learning curve.

My biggest struggle has been internal (which, Alyssa could tell you, is a type of conflict found in literature, and that her favorite character Holden Caulfield is experiencing). I am torn between two separate worlds. The one where I want us to dig in and get school done as efficiently and orderly as possible, on a schedule, focused and organized, filling all of our time with learning, and the one where I want to let the girls sleep a little later, study a little less, paint, draw, laugh, and play games.

I have moments of panic looking at their weekly assignment schedule and not seeing enough items crossed off at the end of the week. I start to think about if we are as far as we should be and if we are doing enough. Then I scold them a little, pointing at the list, asking “what have you been doing all week”? We argue, I win, they do the work grudgingly.

Then we have other moments, when none of us wants to learn about supplementary angles or edit a sentence from the workbook, but we all want to listen to music and paint, or play a game of ping-pong, or talk and laugh. Those days we just enjoy ourselves.

This week I have been thinking a lot about the sermon from last Sunday. It was based on James 4:4, and all week I have been noticing the message playing out in my real life. (I think I had another AHA! moment if you will, like when I quit my job to be a SAHM again.)

Anyway, James 4:4 says

“You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world means enmity against God? Therefore, anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God.”

How do we avoid being friends of this world?

We are surrounded by messages that tell us to invest ourselves in this world. That we should have a big house and nice cars, that it’s ok to spend all of our free time watching Netflix, that our kids should be involved in an after school activity everyday, no matter the cost or time commitment. We start to believe that God is for Sunday’s and holidays, not every day. Everyday is for the world.

For teenagers especially, homeschooling allows us to ignore a lot of the things of the world. We avoid so many things that draw kids into worldly temptations- boy-girl relationships, competition, comparison, alcohol and drugs. That’s not to say that we are living under a rock not socializing with anyone. But the difference in attitude in my girls when they were going to public school versus homeschool (not absence of attitude-just not as constantly aggravating), the openness and communication, and their innocence, which was slowly disappearing, has returned. Our days are more lighthearted, calm, quiet. There are fewer tears, less yelling, and more hugs.

We don’t feel like it’s necessary to be involved in everything and don’t feel like we’re missing out on everything (because most of the time we are unaware of what everyone else is doing). Feeling like you are missing out is a huge, terrible thing for teenagers that often leads to bad decisions.

I am reading “Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World” for my Monday Bible study, and in it I found another great example of why I need to learn not to be a friend of this world. The story of Mary and Martha resonates with all women of course- the desire to be a perfect hostess for the Lord versus the desire to ignore the world and sit at his feet. It certainly speaks to me. I love this passage from the book:

“The world clamors, “Do more! Be all that you can be!” But our Father whispers, “Be still and know that I am God.”

The world tells our teens to ace that test! Be in every sport! Do that activity so it can go on your resume! Buy that outfit! Look like her! Fit in! You’re too old to play! You need to be busy!

I think that God whispers through Christian homeschoolers to be still, take the time, know each other, love each other, focus on truly important goals. He shows us that busyness is a distraction and waste of time. He tells us, as he told Martha, that she need not be worried and upset about many things, that “few things are needed-or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better and it will not be taken away from her.” (Luke 10:42) He keeps us away from the destructive things that face our teens in schools. He shows us where we need to grow and allows us the time to do so.

Back to James. I love the book of James, for one, because it’s short and I can read it in one sitting. But I also love the no-nonsense writing, the urging to do what is right and good. It’s an instruction manual for how to persevere through persecution. James reminds us that we will have problems, but that we need to commit ourselves to Godly living and persevere.

As a homeschooler, I sometimes feel persecution (sometimes just from my own mind). Sometimes I doubt whether we are doing the right thing. Whether my girls will get enough from being at home. If they are missing out on something at school. Whether they are learning enough and checking off enough of the boxes.

I just need to remember that the goal is not to measure up to the standards of the world. I need to listen for that whisper.

 

October 4, 2018 0 comment
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Finding JoyHomeschool

Our Homeschool Un-Curriculum and Routine

written by Allison Schoonover

So, apparently, we took the summer off from blogging. I don’t think we intended to, but I truly didn’t have ANY time to sit down with the computer at any point during the last three months, aside from sending an occasional email and pulling up PJ Masks on YouTube for my 3 year old. We were so busy just keeping the kids alive and safe and the house from deteriorating into a cesspool that I didn’t have any brainpower left to do anything creative at all. Needless to say, we did not homeschool this summer. In fact, I have never homeschooled during the summer, nor have I ever even briefly considered homeschooling during the summer. I can see why parents do it, and I do think that many math and geography and grammar facts probably do evaporate into the ozone during the summer months, but I just can’t make myself or my children “do school” when we could be at the pool, or at the park, or building something awesome out of LEGOs, or just lying around in our pajamas basking in the air conditioning. Plus, two of my kids go to a “normal” school, and it just seems unfair to make the other ones do schoolish things while those two take the summer off.

Girl lying in grass

https://unsplash.com/@kellysikkema

Anyway, before I get into what we’re doing for homeschool this year, I have to share how my homeschooling philosophy has evolved since we started homeschooling in 2010. I’ve talked to other homeschool moms I know, and I think that the way my thinking about education and how kids learn has changed over the years is pretty typical. Maybe, if you’re new to homeschooling or considering homeschooling, I can help you skip some of the struggles that I had in earlier years. When I started out, my idea of homeschooling was to replicate regular school at home. We had a school room, desks, textbooks, regular school hours, lunch time, recess time, and a very rigorous 32-week agenda. We all pretty much hated it, but I couldn’t conceive of any other way for the kids to learn what I thought they had to learn. Wasn’t school the ideal way to learn? Weren’t textbooks and worksheets the best way to impart information? Didn’t we need to sit still, at our desks, for 6 hours a day so that the kids would learn how to sit still, at desks, for 6 hours a day? Aren’t you kind of supposed to hate school? Shouldn’t kids get used to doing stuff they hate, so they’re prepared for doing stuff they hate at their jobs?

Three girls sitting outside

https://unsplash.com/@charleingracia

We tried many, many, MANY different curricula – Saxon Math, Teaching Textbooks, Math U See, Our Father’s World, Learning Language Arts Through Literature, Emma Serl’s Primary Language Lessons, Institute for Excellence in Writing, the Robinson Curriculum, and Story of the World, just to name a small fraction. Every year, we changed curriculum in the hopes that we would eventually find THE curriculum that would make school fun. Or, at least more tolerable. My kids liked NOTHING. None of it. Each school year got progressively more horrible until, in desperation, I enrolled them in a private school in January of 2015. In 2016, I decided we would try homeschooling again with my younger kids, and I proceeded to do exactly what I had done the last time, setting up a school room, buying a bunch of textbooks and workbooks, and scheduling our days down to the minute. Again, everyone was miserable. Every day, my daughter complained about how her preschool class was SO much better than this, and she hated all of our textbooks, and it was so unfair that her younger brother didn’t have to do anything. But, we endured, and she learned how to read and add, so I felt like the year was a success.

paint hands

https://unsplash.com/@bernardhermant

In 2017, we enrolled in Classical Conversations (https://www.classicalconversations.com/), which is sort of hard to describe. You go to a group lesson once a week where the kids memorize a bunch of facts in a bunch of different subject areas, then you practice memorizing those facts at home. The older kids put those facts to use and learn more about each subject, but the little kids just focus on memorization and building a foundation for later years. It’s based on the Classical model of education, which is pretty rigorous and intimidating to me. I mean, you have to learn Latin, for one thing. To be totally honest, I didn’t (and still don’t) really understand or enjoy what I perceive to be the Classical model of education. My only purpose was, and still is, to get the kids out of the house, around other kids, and have someone else teach them for a while. And to be around other moms and possibly have an adult conversation with them. And, there’s no required homework, so if we decide we don’t want to practice our memory work at home, no one knows (or cares) whether we did it or not. Grace gets to have a bookbag, and a teacher, and recess, and friends, and for those reasons, we love Classical Conversations. It’s expensive, and getting ready to go there is like packing for a week-long vacation, but right now, it’s well worth it. And you can really impress homeschool naysayers when your 4-year-old can skip count by 15 and rattle off a bunch of random history facts. So that really worked last year, but our at-home schooling continued to deteriorate until, in January, I decided to quit. We closed up the Math books and the Language Arts books and the Handwriting books and just did whatever we felt like doing instead. Were we unschooling? I don’t know. I’ve read a ton of books on unschooling, and I feel like it’s this secret society of ultra-cool parents who would scorn all of my ideas on parenting and education, so I’m not going to call us unschoolers. But we did not do anything that looked like any kind of school from January till May, and it was such a relief. We were still learning – because we are all learning, all the time, even when we aren’t doing worksheets to prove it. When learning isn’t forced, and you let kids’ natural curiosity take over, they actually learn more and retain it longer. For real. You just have to be there, ready to answer questions, and have conversations, and find resources for them to use.

mom and son in tent

https://unsplash.com/@hannaholinger

One thing that doesn’t get much attention in homeschooling circles is how awful it can be to be not only the “bad guy” in the mom/parenting realm, but to also be the “bad guy” in the teacher/school realm. I felt like all I did all day long was order my children to do things they hate. “Do page 36!” “Rinse off your dishes!” “Pick up that toy!” I was CONSTANTLY telling them what to do (and stop doing), every minute of the day. Now, I know that kids have to learn to do things they dislike, but our WHOLE day was one long series of chores that they (and I) hated. It was nice to say yes to things like going to the park, building forts, and even (gasp) watching cartoons. Not surprisingly, I’ve found that many of the things I’ve taught my kids while we’re all in the hating-school frame of mind doesn’t stay with them, so all of that time we spent doing workbooks was actually less productive than trips to the park or playing Barbies (which, if nothing else, at least teaches us that we can enjoy each other). So, while we were on hiatus from homeschooling, I read a LOT of books. The best were by John Holt (https://www.johnholtgws.com/), who is sort of the father of modern homeschooling, although his vision for homeschooling is to just let kids learn naturally, without curriculum or structure. He gives a very convincing critique of our education system in the United States, and he’s therefore very against the type of homeschooling that I had always thought I needed to do, and the type I had been basically failing at for 7 years. Ask yourself these two questions: Did I learn what I was supposed to learn from school? Do I use what I learned in school? For many of us, the answer to those questions is “No!”, yet we continue to think that school is a great way to educate and prepare children for the adult world. As the mom of a high school senior, I am seeing first hand that what school does to prepare our kids for real life is very, very limited. Read one of John Holt’s books (links below); he says it much better and more convincingly than I do.

spielgaben story boards

https://spielgaben.com/spielgaben-toy/

This year, we are just getting started, and I didn’t buy any curriculum at all. I bought some really cool toys (links below), and this thing called Spielgaben (super expensive, but still less than buying curriculum for two students), and that’s it (other than Classical Conversations, which we are going to do again as well). My plan is to read aloud to the kids every day from “good” books (Alice in Wonderland is what we’re starting with), to put supplies on the kitchen table every morning for them to play with (art projects, Spielgaben pieces, LEGOs, math games, magnetic letters), and to get outside (or to the Rec Center, when the weather is bad) for at least an hour a day. My plan is to back way off and let them take charge of what they learn. Just yesterday, Grace told me she wants to learn more about animals and dinosaurs, so I’m going to get out a bunch of books on animals and dinosaurs from our home library. She can read them or look at them or totally ignore them; my role is to give her the resources she needs and let her use them however she wants. Phil and Stevie love to build things, so I’m going to make sure we have plenty of Play-Doh, LEGOs, and blocks to play with. We’ll cook together. We’ll clean up together. We’ll pick up weird rocks and leaves. We’ll Google things. We’ll see what happens when you mix toothpaste and glue and lotion and glitter. We’ll have deep conversations about life, and God. We’ll go places and meet people. I’ll still be the parent, and I’ll still be in charge, but not in the same tyrannical way I was before. It’s a little scary, and I have had moments of panic where I came this close to buying Math books, but remembering this is what keeps me from doing it: I am NOT on a mission to raise kids who are like everyone else, who end up looking to the world to give them a sense of worth and purpose. I am on a mission to raise kids who know and trust God, and look to Him for their sense of worth and purpose. Their natural curiosity will lead them to learning – and to God – much more effectively than any curriculum. I’m their first model of what God is like, and God is not the kind of teacher who screams, “I SAID no snack until your Geography lesson is done!” I know that sounds weird. But I’ve decided that the weirder – the more RADICAL – my homeschool looks in the eyes of the world, the better.

If you’re skeptical, try this: Try to pretend that school as you know it doesn’t exist, has never existed, and imagine how you would help your kids learn about the world and become great thinkers – and responsible adults. I’m going to guess that sitting at a desk with a textbook and number 2 pencil is not what first comes to mind.

Links to our homeschool toys:

Geo boards: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000XP1Z1A/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o00_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Balance scale: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000296LRK/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o00_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Fort builder: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B007CMF5SG/ref=od_aui_detailpages00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Magnetic Poetry First Words: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000CBHTGA/ref=od_aui_detailpages00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Magnetic Poetry Story Maker: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1928576737/ref=od_aui_detailpages00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Magnetic Alphabet Tiles: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00JEVRXMY/ref=od_aui_detailpages00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Spielgaben: https://spielgaben.com/spielgaben-toy/

Other great “learning” toys we use all the time: LEGOs, DUPLOs, Play-Doh, paint, paper, chalk, cardboard tubes and boxes, dolls, stuffed animals, a dollhouse and dollhouse furniture (mostly homemade), costumes (capes, masks, old Halloween costumes, old gymnastics outfits), puzzles, board games, DIY slime

Un-curriculum Math Books:

Family Math (book of math games I got FREE because my library didn’t want it anymore): https://www.amazon.com/Family-Math-Equals-Jean-Stenmark/dp/0912511060/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1535209395&sr=8-1&keywords=family+math+book

The Joy of Mathematics (cool math facts, tricks, ideas) https://www.amazon.com/Joy-Mathematics-Theoni-Pappas-ebook/dp/B003WJRONC/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1535209483&sr=8-1&keywords=joy+of+mathematics

Playing with Math: https://naturalmath.com/playingwithmath/

John Holt’s Books (there are many more that I haven’t read):

How Children Learn: https://www.amazon.com/Children-Learn-Classics-Child-Development-ebook/dp/B00ADO79QQ/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&qid=1535808738&sr=8-5&keywords=john+holt

How Children Fail: https://www.amazon.com/How-Children-Fail-John-Holt-ebook/dp/B018P2AB94/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1535808738&sr=8-4&keywords=john+holt

Teach Your Own: https://www.amazon.com/Teach-Your-Own-John-Homeschooling-ebook/dp/B00A8SIKBA/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1535808738&sr=8-3&keywords=john+holt

Learning All the Time: https://www.amazon.com/Learning-All-Time-John-Holt-ebook/dp/B019NT84TW/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1535808738&sr=8-7

September 1, 2018 0 comment
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Being a Wife

How to Make Every Day Father’s Day

written by Allison Schoonover

…Because Every Day Should Feel Like Father’s Day

Father’s Day always seems to sneak up on me, and before I know it, it’s the Friday beforehand and I have no cards, no gifts, and no idea how to celebrate. So this post is not going to help you solve that problem, because I have yet to solve it myself. However, I think all of us moms and wives can do a better job of honoring our husbands in their roles as fathers all year long. Me especially, because I spend WAY more time thinking about how hard I’M working and how hard MY role is than about all of the (mostly thankless) work my husband does for our family. If we celebrate them all year long, maybe they won’t mind so much when they get a card that’s not signed, a gift card to Wal-Mart, and a frozen pizza for dinner on the actual holiday.

I know that in my household, Mom tends to get most of the attention and praise, while Dad usually takes on more of a background, supporting role. And maybe that’s how things need to be when kids are young. But dads do so much in terms of guiding, providing, encouraging, and supporting us as moms, they deserve to be cherished and honored every single day of the year.

I admit that I don’t show my love and appreciation for my husband as often or as clearly as I should. There are days when he comes home to a chaotic mess of a house full of whiny kids and a less-than-cheerful wife and probably wishes he could go right back to work. Or at least hide out in the garage for a while. But there are little things I’ve found that I can do pretty easily that go a long way toward making him feel special and happy to be home. Things like:

  • Doing a quick pick-up around the house before he gets home
  • Sending him off for the day and greeting him when he gets home with a smile and a hug (or even better, a kiss)
  • Asking about his day and actually listening to what he says
  • Making some of his favorite snacks and meals throughout the week
  • Giving him some “me” time to read the paper and relax
  • Being physically affectionate and touching him
  • Thanking him for what he does – big things, like his job, and little things, like putting the clothes in the dryer
  • Consulting him on decisions around the house and taking his advice seriously
  • Stopping the kids when they interrupt our conversations and making them wait until we’re done talking
  • Giving him time for his hobbies
  • Letting him help with disciplining the kids
  • Trying to support, rather than undermine, his disciplinary decisions
  • Letting him wash the dishes, the toilet, and the laundry his way (even though it’s clearly inferior to my way)
  • Not always making him the bad guy when the kids need to be punished or given bad news
  • Keeping my mouth shut when I want to complain to him, correct him, gossip with him, or say any of the pointless and un-Christian thoughts that crop up in my head throughout the day
  • Praying for him
  • Singing his praises to my family and friends and defending him against criticism
  • Dressing modestly and avoiding any behavior that might be interpreted as flirting with other men
  • Letting him have the remote control
  • Welcoming his friends and family into our home

What do you do to make every day feel like Father’s Day for your husband?

June 16, 2018 0 comment
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Homeschool

Choosing Homeschool Curriculum

written by Emily Thams

Disclaimer: As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases. The link to the planner we are using is at the bottom of this post. 

You may remember that we made the decision to homeschool our daughter Alyssa for high school. Making that decision was pretty easy, but then we had the monumental task of choosing curriculum. Let me tell you, there are so many options to choose from, you can get overwhelmed! If you are looking for curriculum for the fall, first of all, I pray that you find what fits for your family, and second, read on to see what helped us decide how to choose.

I spent weeks researching, reading, searching for reviews and scanning Facebook groups for information about high school curriculum.

Our requirements were pretty simple:

  • Biblical worldview– I wanted to make sure that the texts aligned with our values and that we could incorporate our faith into her education.
  • Academically rigorous– She wants to be challenged and often felt bored at public school. I was looking for something that would keep her interested and that she could move through as quickly as she wanted.
  • Online math– My math abilities are limited to basic algebra, so I wanted to have a video or online math teacher that she could watch.

Teaching high school can be intimidating.

You may be a math person, but struggle with science or writing. Whatever your strengths, there is a way to fill in the areas where you feel you are lacking. There is also nothing wrong with learning right along side your child. At this age you are more of a guide or facilitator, you don’t have to have all of the answers. You have to provide the resources and be willing to take the time to help your child find the answers.

All of the online research I had done left me stumped. Every publisher and online program I found had some parents who loved it and some who hated it.

What ultimately made our decision was attending a homeschool conference and seeing and talking to the vendors. (Alyssa and I went to the NICHE (Network of Iowa Christian Home Educators) conference.) She was drawn to one publisher, and they had almost everything we were looking for.

Some of the subjects that were included for 9th grade either didn’t interest her or she had already studied (Algebra I), and we were able to mix and match what courses we chose.

Here is what we chose:

English: BJU Press Fundamentals of Literature and Vocabulary, IEW Student Writing Intensive Level C. We chose to combine these two rather than use the whole BJU package for English because Alyssa is very interested in writing and I have heard such great things about IEW’s writing program.

Math: BJU Press Geometry Distance Learning. We were able to see a demonstration and Alyssa liked the way you could see the teacher demonstrating on paper how to do the problems. Sold!

Science: BJU Press Biology (10th grade). This course includes a lab. The publisher recommends one lab per chapter and all chapters have a couple to choose from. One requires more equipment than the other (this is just my initial impression) so I won’t be purchasing all of the lab equipment they recommend.

Social Studies: BJU Press Cultural Geography and World History (for when we finish Cultural Geography. Honestly, I bought both in error, but we will just hold on to World History until we are ready for it.)

Bible: We are currently studying “Who Am I To Judge” from Formed. My father is coming over once a week to teach this. We haven’t decided when we will start BJU Press Bible Truths, but probably once we are done with the current study.

Foreign Language: Alyssa would like to study both Japanese and American Sign Language. Our public library gives us access to a language learning website that we will use for Japanese. Lifeprint.com has a homeschool syllabus and gives free access to their ASL lessons.

The BJU and IEW courses come with teacher editions of the books, handouts, tests, and answers making it easy for parents. In fact, Alyssa was so excited to start, we just opened a book and got started before I had prepped anything.

We also purchased this planner from Amazon:

I think we are ready for the fall. The great thing about homeschooling is that we can start any time and we can add or subtract a course as we choose. (So I am not stressing about the massive amount of information that comes along with these courses.) We haven’t settled on a schedule for the year. Right now Alyssa is just starting to work on what she is interested in, and we will add to it as we are ready.

Remember, when you are choosing curriculum for your own homeschool, there is no one size fits all solution!

There is only what you think is the best for you and your student. And it you find that something really doesn’t work for you after you have started, you can switch to something better suited to what you need.

Do you have a curriculum that you love for your high schooler? Tell us about it in the comments!

June 15, 2018 0 comment
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Raising KidsWhy be a stay-at-home mom?

25 Ways That Having a Big Family Actually Makes Life Easier

written by Allison Schoonover

What? Having a Big Family Actually Makes Life Easier??

When people find out that I have seven children, they make assumptions (I am supermom, I must have soooo much patience, I am a saint, I don’t mind listening to screaming and whining, my kids are extra-well-behaved, etc.). Unfortunately, these assumptions are mostly wrong. I’m just like everyone else – as are my kids – and I can get every bit as annoyed, impatient, frustrated, and overwhelmed as the next person.

I look like this a lot.

So what’s my secret? How could a “normal” person stand being at home with so many kids?

The secret is that having MORE kids actually makes life easier in many of the most important ways.

Don’t believe me? It’s okay. I know it sounds hard to believe. But keep reading, and I think you’ll see what I mean.

Here’s a list of just a few of the benefits of having a big family:

1. You are never bored.
2. You are never lonely. Nothing is worse than being bored and lonely. Not even a meltdown in the cereal aisle or Kool-Aid vomit on the new carpet.
3. People drastically lower their standards for how well-kept you and your house should be. You can astound them just by showering regularly and carving a path through the toys from your living room to the kitchen.
4. If you’re in the mood to play Uno or The Game of Life, you can ALWAYS find someone to play with you.
5. Many hands make light work. Unless we’re talking toddler hands. In that case, get them the heck out of there or you’ll never get anything done.
6. You get way more bang for your buck on family memberships to things. Hello, aquatic center.
7. You can shop in bulk and not worry about food spoiling. Unless we’re talking “health food”, which my kids despise. I have yet to use up an entire bunch of celery before it turned bad.
8. You have an excuse to buy a 12-passenger van. Everyone should own a 12-passenger van at some point in their lives. The only thing better than a 12-passenger van is a 15-passenger van.
9. It’s a lot harder to be a helicopter parent (you know, the kind who feels compelled to supervise her children’s every move and decision, hovering around them like a helicopter) to a whole bunch of kids. So, if you want to avoid being a helicopter parent, having more children is a big help.
10. Built-in exercise. I haven’t exercised just for the sake of exercising in YEARS. And yet, between carrying around a 25-lb. baby all day, constantly going up and down the stairs to retrieve things I’ve forgotten, and picking up everything off of every surface in my house and putting it away for 10 hours straight, I’m pretty sure my body is a finely tuned machine.
11. Someone is always coming up to you and hugging your legs, or saying they love you, or calling you the best mom (that last one’s usually after I’ve given someone candy).
12. Hand me downs. Toys, clothes, beds, entire bedrooms, even underwear (shhh…don’t tell my kids) can passed from sibling to sibling and lower the cost-per-use to almost nothing.
13. You can see more clearly that much of the behavior that drives you crazy is truly, as they always say, just a stage.
14. There are SO many crafty, DIY project possibilities. Sewing and knitting and Mod Podge, oh my!
15. You and your kids learn – albeit slowly – that some battles are not worth fighting. Patience is cultivated. Rough edges are softened.
16. In a culture of smaller and smaller families, people will find you fascinating. They might be horrified, but they’ll still be fascinated.
17. You start to notice things about kids, in general, and your kids, specifically, that make discipline and “parenting” easier.
18. You will collect more crayons that you will ever be able to use. No tape, though. There will never be any tape when you need it.
19. Your chances of being abandoned in a nursing home in your old age are a lot lower. I hope.
20. You will get really, really good at changing diapers. I can change a diaper in almost any position (me or the baby) or location. I once changed a diaper in a moving vehicle with the baby on my lap without getting any poop on anything.
21. You get a lot of practice in humility. I hear things like, “This dinner looks gross,” and “your butt is so squishy” all the time. They’re usually not as far off as I’d like to think.
22. Rocking chairs. Sitting in a rocking chair with someone’s warm fuzzy head under your chin. Every night, if you want to.
23. You get a second, and a third, and a fifth, and a seventh chance to be the kind of parent you always wanted to be.
24. You’re practically guaranteed to have a lot of grandkids, which are supposedly way better than your actual kids.
25. People who don’t know all these secret benefits will think you’re AMAZING.

My two oldest, circa 2006. Who would have thought they’d have so many younger (and older) siblings? P.S., I think we still have most of those clothes somewhere…

What’s your favorite thing about having a big family? If you have a smaller family, is there anything on this list that surprised you? Tell us in the comments!

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June 11, 2018 3 comments
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Book Reviews

Lies Women Believe and the Truth That Sets Them Free by Nancy Leigh DeMoss

written by Emily Thams

Disclaimer: As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases. The link to this book can be found at the bottom of the post. 

“Believing lies places us in bondage. The truth has the power to set us free.”

This inspiring book full of Biblical truths was our women’s Bible Study book for this year. And it was a life altering experience.

Before starting this study, you may already live a life is founded in Biblical truth. Or you might be more like me, and assume that some things are true because you don’t hear anyone calling them out as lies. If something was so against God, I would be hearing about it, right?

Either way, I promise this book will be eye-opening.

What I learned was how sneakily Satan engages women in lies. DeMoss describes the progression from simply listening to a lie (having a career is my life’s purpose) to dwelling on that lie (lots of mothers have full time jobs, so it’s ok for me too, right?) to believing and acting on the lie (and then ultimately not feeling like your priorities are in order). Once we have believed and acted on it, changing our minds about it is pretty difficult. This is just one example of the many ways we have been deceived.

“When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.” John 8:44

DeMoss compares our lives to the that of the first woman, Eve. Her struggles, her sins, her failings; they are not just hers. They are ours. And they all originate from the same place; Satan’s lies.

Lies like,

“God is not really good.”

“I’m not worth anything.”

“God can’t forgive what I’ve done.”

“A career outside the home is more valuable and fulfilling than being a wife and mother.”

“It’s up to us to determine the size of our family.”

“If my circumstances were different, I would be different.”

“It’s all about me.”

We hear these lies from our friends, from tv, our neighbors, at work or school, or in our own minds. Some seem so close to the truth that it is difficult to decipher what is Biblically true. We have come to accept the world’s truths and have forgotten or ignored the real truth. Thankfully, DeMoss provides the truth that counters each of these lies, supported by scripture and  relatable real life examples. Each section of lies ends with questions that help the reader identify areas of bondage in their own life and scripture verses to study that will reveal the Truth.

“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8:32

As you can imagine, a book like this might spark quite the debate in your Bible study or book club. Some of these lies have become part of our identity and we don’t want to let them go. We argue for our rights, look to people, places, and things to give us the answer to what we are seeking, and justify our choices based on our circumstances. But if you have the guts to really study the Word of God, you will find that your circumstances are irrelevant and you have been deceived.

Freedom from the bondage of the lies in our lives comes from no other source but God.

This book has transformed my life radically. It has changed my thinking, my priorities, my views on parenting, and then some. I will be referring to it in the weeks to come as a reminder to always seek the truth.

To all of my fellow Truth seekers, I recommend this book!

The book can be found on Amazon

Or on the Revive our Hearts website to purchase this and other books by DeMoss and learn about her ministry.

 

 

 

June 7, 2018 0 comment
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Being a Divorced MomBeing a WifeFeminismFinding JoyHomeschoolHow to be a stay-at-home momInterviews with ExpertsLiving your FaithRaising KidsWhy be a stay-at-home mom?

Best of 2018…so far

written by Allison Schoonover

Our goal for this year was to write at least 40 new posts, and so far we’re about halfway there (way to go, us!). We have all sorts of topics out there, from finances, to homeschooling, to divorce. Something for all of you, we’d like to think. Take a look at this list of posts from 2018 and click the links to read any posts that you missed, or ones that you want to read again. We always appreciate your comments and would be happy (thrilled, actually) to start up a discussion on one of our previous posts. Radical motherhood is a journey, and we want to take you with us!

Is there something we haven’t written about that we should? Or something you’d like to read more on? Let us know in the comments!

June 6, 2018 0 comment
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